Now that I've lived to see this day,
These are the things I must but say.
Die a bachelor, if your options are few,
Never ever love a female programmer,
they'll make a program out of you.
Don't laugh it away, mine has been an object lesson,
They find syntax errors, even in a romantic expression.
Alas! They search logic in love, where there is none,
Your heart may skip a beat and they just hit return.
You are in for trouble if you persist,
You'll just be a pointer in her long linked list.
They would never oblige you even with a smile,
And if a smile comes to their lips, they consign it to a file.
They have little regard for your amorous approaches,
Plight will be yours, infinite loops and blunderous gouaches.
You are bitten by different bugs, though love it may appear,
Just when you think you're going steady, you'll get a run-time
error.
And if your beloved is a programmer in COBOL,
May God be with you for they are the worst of them all.
Sticklers for standards, you'll have a rough time,
You'll die of keeping tabs, in your youth prime.
Beauty and brain together, which was never meant to be,
They have them both and are for sure deadly.
And yet there are Heroes who's love has made history,
But why their fates didn't hang is still a mystery.
So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,
Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an Analyst.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
16 Ways to Recognize a Company Car!
1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. They have a much tighter turning radius.
7. The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion.
14. The tire side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. They have a much tighter turning radius.
7. The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion.
14. The tire side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.
A LARGE UNIVERSITY CLASS
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two-hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except for the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"GOOD!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
It worked. The professor really didn't know who he was!
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except for the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"GOOD!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
It worked. The professor really didn't know who he was!
A Visit to the Doctor
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress."
"Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television."
"And, most importantly satisfy his sexual desires. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress."
"Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television."
"And, most importantly satisfy his sexual desires. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
**********COMPUTER V/S MUSIC***********
# Local Variable - Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon, pal do pal meri kahani hai, pal do pal meri hasti hain....
#Global Variable - Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon, har ik pal meri kahani hai, har ik pal meri hasti hai.....
#Null Pointers - Mera jevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.
#Dangling Pointers - Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.
#Goto - Ajeeb dastan hai yeh, kahan shuru kahan khatam, yeh manzilen hain kaun si, na woh samajh sake na hum
#Two recursive functions calling each other - - Mughe kuch kehna hai, Mughe bhi kuch khena hai, pehle tum, pehle tum....
#The debugger - Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera oh humnawaz...
#COM Programming in VC++ - Roop tera mastana, Pyar mera deewana, Bhool kahin hum se na ho jaye....
#From VC++ to VB - Yeh haseen vaadiyan, Yeh khula asmaan, Aa gaye hum kahan
#Untrackable bug - Aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se...
#Unexpected bug (especially during presentation to client) - - Ye kya hua, kaise hua, kab hua, khon hua....
#And then to the client - Jab hua, tab hua, O Chhodo, ye na socho...
#Load Balancing - Saathi haath badhana, ek akela thak jayega, mil kar bojh uthana.....
#Modem (modem talk on a busy connection) - - Suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kuch hua kya? abhee to nahin....
#Windows getting open sourced - Parde mein rahne do Parda na uthao.....
#Global Variable - Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon, har ik pal meri kahani hai, har ik pal meri hasti hai.....
#Null Pointers - Mera jevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.
#Dangling Pointers - Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.
#Goto - Ajeeb dastan hai yeh, kahan shuru kahan khatam, yeh manzilen hain kaun si, na woh samajh sake na hum
#Two recursive functions calling each other - - Mughe kuch kehna hai, Mughe bhi kuch khena hai, pehle tum, pehle tum....
#The debugger - Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera oh humnawaz...
#COM Programming in VC++ - Roop tera mastana, Pyar mera deewana, Bhool kahin hum se na ho jaye....
#From VC++ to VB - Yeh haseen vaadiyan, Yeh khula asmaan, Aa gaye hum kahan
#Untrackable bug - Aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se...
#Unexpected bug (especially during presentation to client) - - Ye kya hua, kaise hua, kab hua, khon hua....
#And then to the client - Jab hua, tab hua, O Chhodo, ye na socho...
#Load Balancing - Saathi haath badhana, ek akela thak jayega, mil kar bojh uthana.....
#Modem (modem talk on a busy connection) - - Suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kuch hua kya? abhee to nahin....
#Windows getting open sourced - Parde mein rahne do Parda na uthao.....
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